Turns out my dad read this book back in the day, and really enjoyed it! He’s normally not a big reader, so it’s always fun when we get to bond a little over books.

This novel centers on two doomed relationships. That of the main narrator, George, and his friend and love interest Sara, and that of George’s friend, Jonas, and a young psychiatric nurse named Marie.

The problem between George and Sara seems to be that she can’t let go of her attachment to the older man who, essentially, abused her when she was a shy, vulnerable teenager. When he, now a famous pianist, comes to perform in Amsterdam, she can’t bring herself to stay away, and even though she knows he treated her badly, she’s unable to let go of their past and open herself up to genuine, healthy love. Despite that she’s never described as conventionally attractive, yes, the narration even calls her straight-up ugly, she’s actively desired by our main character, as well as other men, which I honestly found rather refreshing.

Jonas is chronically ill and unable to work, so, despite a mutual desire for connection, he feels he has to break off his budding courtship with Marie as he believes he can’t offer her a real future. I was about halfway through, when I started to wonder where the gay themes were supposed to hide, as this all felt very heterosexual to me. Ah, me of little faith. It turns out that the illness in his teenage years that Jonas never really recovered from, was immediately preceded by a sudden attraction (yes, crush even) to a male classmate. (In classic gay-novel-yearning, he’s described as looking like a Greek statue). With my very rudimentary literary analysis skills, I wonder if Jonas’ physical illness (of unclear cause) is meant to parallel Sara’s emotional issues, as his too, could be caused by an inability to let go of a past love.

I’ve read that Sara is actually based on a woman Anna Blaman knew and was in love with, which makes me wonder if Jonas is also partly an autobiographical character. Like him, she was also sickly throughout her life (and she died fairly young, she was only 55 years old).

I enjoyed the prose. It was very old-fashioned Dutch, but also rich and at times, beautiful.